Hi, my name is MJ.

Marijuana is the top U.S. cash crop.

Wow.

I never knew Martha Stewart used to date Anthony Hopkins.

It's not April 1 yet, is it?

Guys Gone Wild

Lately I've been watching "Queer as Folk" on Logo, the LGBT channel. It r0x0rz, by the way.

Anyway, there are a bajillion commercials for "Hunky Hotties" and the like via the Guys Gone Wild series.

How much do you want to bet most of these guys didn't know their intended target audience?

Brown and Black

Once in a while I ask myself why I have hang ups over some color combinations. For example, I don't think brown and black look right together AT ALL. Or blue and blue jeans. Or red and pink.

Once in a while I wonder...

And then I realize...it's because I'm me. :)

Strategy!

Now that I've had a ridunkulous number of late nights in a row eating on the client's dime and then some, I have come up with The Ultimate Strategy to getting my SeamlessWeb food to me ASAP, STAT. After ordering what I need to order, it's 99% of the time cushily under the firm's $25 "limit."

SO.

My strategy is to lay on a phatty tip, up to the limit. And it works.

See, e.g., today I ordered at 7:07PM, and I received my "delivery downstairs" phone call at 7:23PM. See also, yesterday I ordered at 7:23PM, and I received my "delivery downstairs" phone call at 7:47PM.

Coincidence? I think not!

Interesting. Verrrrry interesting.

Obama 2008?

Reminds me of this OC Cafepress "campaign."

Any Given Saturday

OMG. UCLA won.

Regular

Call me crazy, but there's something vaguely gratifying about being waved past the doors by the security dude so that I don't have to show my ID.

Nico Wants YOU...

to have a happy Thanksgiving!

(Okay okay, so it's a few days late. I was busy in SF surprising my parents with an 11PM phone call on Wednesday night asking "Can you swing by SFO and pick me up?" People to see, places to go, people!)

Maybe if I tilt my head...

Is it just me or does the Tom & Katie wedding cake look a little...lopsided?

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Just because I'm feeling silly, this post is brought to you by our friend BloodNinja.

Orenthal James a.k.a. O.J. Simpson

New book: If I Did It
Premise: "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed"
Me: Speechless.

IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT I GOT GAME

Short version:
I passed.

*does the Cabbage Patch*

Long version:
As I click onto the NY Bar Examiners' website, my heart does a little double pump. I enter my information: SS# and date of birth. I click "Ok"...AND AN ERROR MESSAGE POPS UP.

My body stops functioning.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGDIDIFAILOMG???

Calm down, calm down, breathe.
*clicks Back button on browser*
*squints*
OH.
Date of birth is month and YEAR, not month and DAY.

Okay...I get ready to click "Ok" for the second time.

And here we go!

Wait. Wait! WAIT! It's a paragraph! No "odderie: Passed" or "Congratulations! We are pleased..." WTF! A paragraph! What does it say I can't read it what does it say I can't read I can't read I can't read!!!! OMG!!!!!

Then I catch what looks like the beginnings of a word "...congratul..." And I start to breathe again. And my eyes start to focus.

"The State Board of Law Examiners congratulates you on passing the New York State bar examination held on July 25-26, 2006."

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Whatever happened to...

simple, non-mechanical toys for kids?

From...

to...

Bar Exam Results Next Tuesday

Um, yeah. According to The Site (henceforth known as The Site of Possible Impending Doom), prepare to be shocked on Tuesday, November 14th. And, yes, shocked goes either way -- shocked re: passing or shocked re: F-word.

Mmmm...that? Yes, that is the sound of silence.

The Nico Saga Continues

As I try to litterbox train Nico on the space pod, I've taken upwards of 150 pictures of him. And, yes, I have even graduated to video. Enjoy!

Beauty

It's only Photoshop deep.

You down with A.D.D., Yeah you know...uh, what was the question?

As some of you may know, I'm a fan of Christina Aguilera's, so it shouldn't be a huge surprise that I recently checked out her new video for her collaboration with P. Diddy. (No comment on that one.) ANNNNYWAY, it has come to my attention that the crazy split-second editing that flashes six angles at the screen per second is a far cry from the days of The Buggles. Could the prevalence of music videos (which, granted, I rarely see now that I've outgrown MTV by about, oh, a decade...) be contributing to the A.D.D. of today's youth?

Something You Didn't Know

I hate wearing socks.

Sucktastic

So here's the sucky thing about being the low man on the totem pole: you're the one who ends up staying til 1AM doing stuff that you totally could have done during your four hours of NOT doing anything earlier that day during "normal business hours." What? Staying late means being able to have dinner and take a car home? Um, if it's between staying late and being home with Nico...well, you tell me what YOU'D choose.

Um, ew.

Today a bird shat on us.

Yes, shat. As in le poop on le head. And, yes, I mean "us." As in me AND my parents, who are visiting me here in NY.

According to a friend, he "can't imagine how...unless [we] were in huddle formation or something."

Yeah...talk about a talented bird.

The Not So Good Mood Post

So "America's Funniest Home Videos?" Another thing I just do not get. How is this stuff funny? And Bob Sagat? Ewww...you know, he used to hit on UCLA girls at the bars in Westwood.

P.S.: Sorry to the Mets fans out there. That was a heartbreaking loss.

Ahhhhh....New York.

The good: I just gave four weeks' worth of laundry to the laundry pick-up/drop-off guy, who came up five flights of stairs to whisk away my laundry to be washed and neatly folded in time for me to get it back on Thursday. Thank you, www.flatratecleaners.com! (Effusive praise will ensue once I inspect the laundry come Thursday.)

The bad: I saw a gigantic rat as long as my forearm in the 51st Street subway. He (she?) was up on the platform, bold as you please.

The ugly: I have no will to cook. At all. Case in point: I haven't used the stove...YET. Take out is just too easy. And getting groceries is just too hard.

Meow meow meow meow...

I am so on my way to becoming a cat lady.

Okay, I lied... a.k.a. Another Grey's Post

OMG, MCSTEAMY IS BAAAACK.

07/07/07

I can't wait for Harry Potter 7, which ought to be coming out 07/07/07. You can't ask for a better spot of free marketing.

I will survive!

Week one of law firm life is a wrap. 241 weeks, give or take a hundred or so, to go. (I kid, I kid!) I like this whole orientation-for-a-week thing. It eases us into going back to work and waking up earlier than, say, noon.

Pet Peeve

The Animal Planet narrator guy on "The Most Extreme Animal Pirates" just pronounced "mischievous" wrong. He pronounced it "mis-chee-vee-ous." Man, I'm so utterly disappointed.

Two Days of Firsts

This has so far been a week of firsts. Yesterday, Nico and I made some serious progress with bonding as he headbutted me for the first time. And then the second time. And third. And fourth. And...well, you get the picture. It was also the first day he made it all the way upstairs to my bedroom. Here he is sleeping on my stairs.


Today was the first day of "work." I say "work" because we're still in orientation, and, no matter how agonizing it is to sit through 2.5 hours of "The History of Technology According to Our IT Guy," that isn't technically work. I was assigned to M&A for my first rotation, though, and I'm happy about that. I also have a pretty chill officemate and the window view desk. Yippee! (It's the little things, really.)

Nico hasn't really played with me much tonight, though. He's upstairs napping under my bed right now. I pulled the window shades to the side before I left so that he could more easily sit on the window ledge to look outside. Maybe that pooped him out? *nibbles lip* Is it a sign of inevitable codependence that I'm wondering if my cat is avoiding me?

Whatever happened to...

The Flintstones?

When I was little, this used to be on TV (TNT, I think?) ALL. THE. TIME. Now it's been replaced by...Law & Order??

For posterity's sake, here goes nothing:
Flintstones, meet the Flintstones.
They're the modern Stone Age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.

Let's ride with the family down the street
Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet!

When you're with the Flintstones
Have a yabba dabba doo time
A dabba doo time
You'll have a gay old time!

It's a boy!

There is a new addition to the family!

I'll admit it... a.k.a. The Grey's Anatomy Post

Meredith Grey? I just don't get it. I mean, sure, McDreamy the emotional mindfuck may not be a prize (despite his being a fine physical specimen), and I don't know enough about Chris O'Donnell's veterinarian character to make an assessment of him either way, but still. What IS it about her that makes these guys (not to mention poor old George) go gaga? Because to me, she just seems whiny, irrational, unstable, and emotionally needy. Just what we need in Hollywood -- more strong roles for females. [/sarcasm] But then again, that could just be the emotionally er...insensitive part of me speaking.

Celeb Gossip Blogs

Okay, I admit it: I have a celebrity gossip blog on my links-I-check-daily roundup. Don't worry, though, I'm not about to turn this blog into any version of that...well, at the very worst, it'll be gossip once removed. Anyway, apparently Christina Ricci had a breast tattoo inked recently. I know this is totally wrong of me to say on so many levels, but her acting cred has kinda gone down in my eyes. I know, I know, having a breast tattoo has nothing to do with acting abilities. But still. Call this one of the few times I make an irrational judgment.

Anyway, what I'm really getting at is...breast tattoos? Or really...tattoos in general, for that matter?? Tattoos are just so permanent that I can't ever really foresee being so passionate about some form of expression that I would want it on my body forever. And, yes, in case you hadn't guessed, I really am horribly commitment phobic.

Life? Life is good.

Fiji was beautiful. It was sooo relaxing. I sped through five books. After law school and a three year drought on pleasure reading, it felt amazing to be reading for fun once again. Here's a sampling from my 400+ photos. Yup, 400+. Shutterbug much?

Chillaxin'
So much blue agua.

Contemplating a Coconut

Screw this whole "dead Presidents" thing! I want a shark god on my next coin!
The Parliament Building in Suva City, Fiji's capital

Bula Fiji!

T minus 14 hours until my flight leaves NYC for LA (and then to Nadi from there).

The first leg of my stay will be at the Wayalailai Ecohaven Resort. The next leg will be...Nope, even I don't know!

Kind of nervous about this whole fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants travelling, but apparently it is the way to do Fiji. I'll report back in two weeks. *salutes*

Nostalgia

It's weird that I'll be starting work soon. Well, after Fiji, which is a huge huge HUGE marker on the calendar between now and work. However, considering this is the first "real job" I'll ever have gone to, it feels kind of weird to think I may never have another "first day of school." Or at least...that I won't have one for a really really long time. WEIRD. And, considering the things that I'll be missing in an office of business casual, possibly...good?

Welcome to New York

I just killed a monster cockroach the size of my thumb. EWEWEWEWEWWWWW. It was sitting on top of a stack of books, so I put on my trusty Jack Purcells and squished the motherfucker. I then threw out the cockroach, book and all. Sorry, Ellsworth, but "Law on the Midway" now has a permanent audience of one.

Stingray != Crocodile, but It's Still Sad

The Crocodile Hunter died from a stingray attack. Although I didn't watch his show or know much about him, he leaves behind a family. He lived a full life, and I hope they remember him for his courage and energy. All the best to them.

So Cool

This Virtual Laser Keyboard is SO COOL.

Cajones

Today I unpacked eight more boxes and set up my DVD/VCR, PS2, and my new printer (it's wireless, baby!). Tomorrow I'll hopefully finish installing my deadbolt. Yes. By myself.

Who says you need boys around to fix things?

WTF, Dude

I don't think I have any particularly accented English or that my pronunciation of letters, numbers, and words is really that far off from the standard American. However, according to OH SO MANY of these stupid "speak your answer into the receiver" automated phone menus, I must somehow have acquired innate knowledge of Swahili because no matter how clearly I say things, they NEVER GET IT RIGHT. WTF!!!!! It's so frustrating! What makes me wonder, then, is how people who really do speak with an accent ever get through those menus? Could this just be a conspiracy by The Man to make customer service inaccessible to 99.99% of the population?

Whatever happened to...

Lee Lee Sobieski, she of Helen Hunt-lookalike fame?



And, for that matter, whatever happened to Helen Hunt???

I'm Going (Going) Back (Back) to Cali (Cali)

I <3 San Francisco. I <3 that I don't need air conditioning. I <3 the food. I <3 the people. I <3 the rolling hills and the skyline.

But I must admit...only here will I be paying a dollar for 40 minutes to park outside a residential library so that I can check my email using my laptop on their free wireless.

I also headed down to LA this past weekend. It was awesomeness itself to see my friends and hang out with Law Fairy. We schmoozed with the glamorous beautiful people on Sunset, Getty'd up, walked Venice Beach, and shopped Third Street. All in all, quite a successful outing.

On the drive back, I took 101 (yes, I'm crazy like that), but the hills, valleys, and coastal views were definitely worth it. They reminded me of why California is such a fantabulous place.

Come next week, however, I will be back in NY to unpack my boxes and decorate my ab fab apartment. Once I'm done with it, HGTV will be knocking down my door. ;)

Sorry for the light posting of late, but, as I'm sure you can guess, it's been kind of kee-raaaaazy around here.

Sucking Is Good For You

For some reason, I really miss Chupa Chups. The creamy ones were especially delicious. I haven't seen them around NYC. Granted, I haven't been actively searching, but still...

WOTD

Today I learned a new word: cougar.

Or, in the words of A: "The thing that makes a cougar a cougar isn't being hot and seasoned age-wise... It's the attention they give young guys... a 35 year old non-cougar is a woman who's trying to meet men her age, maybe a little older, maybe a little younger.. but with the intention of actually dating and having a relationship...Cougars don't have relationships. They have sex. Specifically, they have sex with young guys who'd never seek a relationship with someone of her age."

How could my education ever have been so lacking?

4 Stops Away

You Belong in Soho

Although you may not be a professional artist, you do dabble in one form of art or another. And you like indie culture of all kinds - from little boutiques to art house films.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

Thanks, crayon17!

Oh heck, why not another one?

You Are a Pegasus

You are a perfectionist, with an eye for beauty. You know how to live a good life - and you rarely deviate from your good taste. While you aren't outgoing, you have excellent social skills. People both admire you - and feel very comfortable around you.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Thanks, Slater!

NYC Tidbits

In my bid to divert food funds towards decorating funds, I'm on the hunt for cheap eats in NYC. I've so far discovered that a bagel with egg whites can yield a meal and a half. A gai mei bao down in Chinatown is 50 cents. A Vietnamese sandwich down on Broome Street is $3. Falafel sandwich off the L's Bedford Ave stop is $3. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Some things my fellow UES'ers have seen me carry through the neighborhood over the past few days: white Daewoo microwave, bedside lamp + lampshade (I am no longer living in darkness!), and a 4' x 6' "ebony" rug from Pier 1.

Note to the uninitiated: No matter how much you need x, y, or z, do not go to the 24 hour Duane Reade alone past 11PM. You will be hit on by the men stocking the shelves. Repeatedly.

I'm a manatee!

Yeah right, seacow!!!!

Just when you thought NYC couldn't get any cooler...

(And, yes, I did arrive safe and sound.)

Tru Dat

Yup...made the journey to Tru tonight. Yup...need to pack about half my apartment still. Yup...movers are arriving in T minus 8 hours. Yup...still in post-foodgasm haze, so not sure how the packing will go. Yup...even though the dishes are the size of a silver dollar and you wouldn't think they'd get you full, you can still leave very roly poly. Yup...I'm STILL poor, so I, too, don't know WTF I was doing going to Tru. Yup...gotta get on this whole packing thing. Yup...yup...

It should be noted...

THAT I GOT GAME!

That's right, Bar, you can't hold me down! And, well, if you do, then I guess we all know where I'll be in February. Let's just say I never thought I'd see the day when there would be reference to being "pistol-whipped" and a "dead son of a bitch" outside of the Law & Order realm.

SAF ISO Attractive Nuisance

In case you didn't know...studying. for the Bar. SUCKS.

Um...I can't believe it's less than a week away. Hold me. I'm scared.

"Sexy, Successful...and Single?"

This article makes me wonder...is this the life I signed up to lead [for the foreseeable future, anyway]?

By the way, just to add to the credibility (or rather...lack thereof) of these articles, I just read another one that says something about playing footsie. Now call me crazy, but I just don't GET footsies. Am I the only one who doesn't see the merit in this supposed turn-on?

M'ney m'ney m'ney moooooney...MONEY!

I am officially broke after having to dish out the equivalent of a small car in order to secure my apartment. I shit you not. Thus, I have gone on the equivalent of a famine diet for finances. Here are the doctor's orders:

1) Operate on a cash only basis. And for those looking to earn a gold star, that means always having only $20 or less in your wallet.
2) Remove credit and debit cards from wallet. Place cards in Tupperware/cup/bowl. Fill receptacle with water. Stick receptacle with immersed credit cards into the freezer. Forget they are there until your finances are more robust.

I'm on day one of my diet, and so far I don't even miss them!

I HAVE AN APARTMENT!

Okay, so it's been pretty wild lately. The Bar studying, apartment hunting for a place in NY while I'm still in Chicago, etc. have made life kee-raaaaazy, man. The good news -- heck, the GREAT news -- is that I officially have a place to live! I found out today my application for a super duper cute duplex on the Upper East Side was accepted over four other applicants'. Woohoo! I may have had to pay a broker's fee *cringe*, but I think in the end it is worth it for the peace of mind. Now, I know you may be wondering..."Upper East Side??? What happened to the other "perfect location" place?" Well, it may have been a perfect location, but the people in charge were FAR from perfect. Let's just say I will need to lay the smackdown when I find the time to call and freak out at them.

On a more fun note, has anybody seen the newest HP laptop commercials? I love the Jay-Z version!

Subway Art - Perspectives

Along the lines of a previous post on LAK's blog, I recently came across some nifty perspective subway art.

Mighty convenient, eh, Lay?

I know it's horrible of me to say this about someone who just "died," but am I the only one who is a little disappointed that Kenneth Lay, founder of Enron and dead this past week before his sentencing, seemed to have found the ultimate "Get Out of Jail Free" card?

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

I'M GOING TO FIJI!!!

FOR FREE!!!*

I just impulse "bought" this deal on American Airlines award travel: "AAdvantage members can redeem only 50,000 miles for Economy class travel on Air Pacific between North America and Fiji for travel between June 7 and December 14, 2006."

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! BAR TRIP IS SET!!!

Okay, normally I'd be hella pissed off if someone kept saying that, but c'mon, guys...IT'S FIJI!!!



* -- Well, $57 for the taxes and ticketing fees.

Today we celebrate...our Independence Day

July Fourth is always a fun holiday for me because, as mentioned previously, a tiny little part of me always gets giddy at the sight of fireworks. As the Star Spangled Banner is literally my favorite song (lyrics-wise...yes, I'm crazy), the symbolism of the day really strikes a chord with me. Am I the only one, then, who finds it a little sacrilegious that it seems someone has found it to be a perfect holiday for the Nathan's Hot Dog Contest? What, after all, does eating 52 hot dogs in 12 minutes have anything to do with fighting for our independence against tyranny and taxation without representation?

Also...am I the only one wondering about how Kobeyashi somehow has six pack abs to go along with the six-plus packs of hot dogs that are somehow inside there? (Ew...)

To get us back on track with the independence celebration, here's the whole speech from "Independence Day," to which I refer in the title of this post and of which I am actually a big fan:
"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

Free Samples

When I was a kid, I used to love going to Price Club (or Costco, however you prefer to refer to it) around lunchtime and getting those free samples of everything from a bite sized 1/16th of a burrito to a tiny mouthwash-sized cup of white grape juice. It's been a while since I've been to Price Club/Costco, and to be honest, I haven't really missed those free samples.

However, today I went to Dominick's and there were free samples galore...EXCEPT, shocker of shockers, miracle of miracles, it seemed that Dominick's totally kicked it up a notch and one-upped Price Club/Costco in the free sample category because...

Today I was offered a free sample of Malibu rum -- "Coconut, Mango, or Passion Fruit?"

HGTV, I Hate You

I'm watching "Small Space, Big Style" on HGTV, which, in case you didn't know, features "small" spaces that are "big" on style. Hardy har har.

Anyway, I put "small" in quotes because right now I hate HGTV so much for rubbing it in that NYC housing prices and sizes are ri-starring-diculous.

On the TV right now? A "small" 1000 square foot Spanish bungalow in LA. Bastards. Rat bastards.

Big Brother

Funnily enough, it appears that the majority of Google searches that land people here on my blog are "define tummy sticks" searches, which are followed closely by "graduated bob haircut" searches.

I must admit, though, that it's a pretty big honor to be the number one hit for "define tummy sticks." This blog will live in infamy!

En-why-see

So I had my fly-by-night apartment hunt this weekend. I put in an application for a tiny one bedroom place that is in the PERFECT location.
I will have to deal with some, shall we say, "quirks" of the place, but it is in a kickass location, and I think that, once I decorate it, I will be able to make it my own. I find out Tuesday whether or not my application was accepted. Believe it or not, the fact that we don't start work until October (despite making an obscene amount of money at that point) has been a point of contention for lots of management places. Not cool! How do they expect us to be able to work if we do not have a place to live? (And vice versa!) Ahh...que sera sera. My "vice versa" may not make sense, now that I think about it, but I did not sleep last night because of my 6AM flight. Taking the "I'm still young" route, I stayed out til 4 with some friends and then went back to my wonderful host friend's place to pick up my stuff to head to the airport. Yes. Crazy.

Anyway, I leave you with this picture from the Philadelphia airport. (It was a connecting flight.) Is this not the most profound message?

Train Wreck

Like a train wreck, I just can't tear my eyes away from the horror that is the creation of this site, called "Inside My Bag." It's fascinating and really really tragic.

New Dean?

Interestingly, our law school is looking for a new Dean of Students. Anyone interested?

"The ... Law School is seeking a Dean of Students. This position reports to the Dean and serves as the Law School's liaison to University bodies concerned with student life. The Dean of Students will provide student counseling as well as manage and support student activities. This position works closely with the Assistant Dean for Academic Affairs and other senior administrators to ensure a positive experience for students at all phases of their education. A J.D. and/or experience in higher education and counseling is required. Excellent oral and written communication skills as well as good judgment and a sense of humor also required. The university is an Affirmative Action/Equal Opportunity employer."

Thanks, LAK.

Craig's List

So the hunt is ON for an apartment in New York. I'm heading out on Thursday night and will be looking at places Friday and Saturday. Holy craptastic am I freaked out about finding an apartment that (1) isn't rat-infested (2) is within my budget (3) is on a block that has at least one tree (4) has a bedroom big enough to fit my queen bed (for non-NY-ers, yes, this could indeed be a HUGE issue when one considers the size of "bedrooms" *coughs "cubbyholes"* in NY) and (5) isn't in an area into which I wouldn't want to venture past 7PM. There are other soft requirements, but I don't want to bore you with the details.

I'm gonna try to do this on my own (i.e. NO broker), but there are a few possible exceptions that I've seen online. The REAL point of this post is to say "OMG WTF Rockstar!" to Craig's List's (I know I know it's "craigslist" but in reality, it is Craig's LIST -- capiche?) new policy of charging brokers $10 per listing. Thus, in Craig's List's style, my thoughts:

[rant] I couldn't believe how Craig's List was so impossibly flooded with misinformation prior to this rule, which took effect a couple days ago. There would be hundreds of posts by the same brokers, all of whom employed a "bait and switch" approach. [/rant]

[rave] This new $10/posting rule seems to make sense in that the legitimate brokers (who really have decent apartments to rent) can make their voices heard without having to compete with the cloud of static that the wrongdoers were emitting. *ties leather band around forehead and picks up spear* Let's hope this will improve my apartment hunt! [/rave]

Whatever happened to...

the Trix Rabbit commercials?

"Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids!"

Kids These Days...

So apparently a new ringtone has been invented that is so high pitched that adults cannot hear it and thus it is meant for kids to hear when they don't want adults to know about their electronic correspondence. You can sample the ringtone on the article's website. Now call me crazy, but is it just another sign that I'm getting old since I thought it was a little painful to listen to?

Slightly Inexplicable

I find this hard to believe considering I've been out of commission for three years. What? This is proof that Blogthings has no clue what they're talking about?? But I thought me and Cookie were tight like that!

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

More fun with Blogthings...this one speaks for itself.

You Belong in San Francisco

You crave an eclectic, urban environment. You're half California, half NYC. You're open minded, tolerant, and secretly think you're the best. People may dismiss you as a hippie, but you're also progressive, interesting, and rich!

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

It's always the scrappy ones...

That take you by surprise in a bar room brawl.

Jack the Cat Chases Black Bear Up Tree

Thanks, Ms. M!

Final Graduation Post, I Promise

Now, I know that I've been beating this whole graduation thing to death, but it is a big thing in my life right now, so too bad, too sad. We graduated on Friday. My family flew in from San Francisco, and I was rolling with an entourage of seven. That's right -- we had a full on basketball team plus three subs!

The professor who hooded me is one of my favorites at the law school, and his brilliance combined with his shuffling feet, bashful grin, and shy face-in-book demeanor just made my whole law school experience that much more memorable. He was also one of my professors I had on the first day of law school. Yes, the FIRST DAY. It felt appropriate to have him hood me, then, because "the circle is now complete. When first I left [him] I was but the learner. Now I am the [sorta] master." Exciting, no?

As we each took our turns standing at the focus of attention, I finally realized that this is It. This is the end of our law school journey, and we are [mostly] ready and eager to start our new lives as attorneys in the Real World. There's not much more to say other than I cannot believe we have all come this far together. We rock!

Summer Observational Poll

Assuming guys of equal physical hotness, what's hotter?
	Guy walking cute puppy.
	Guy pushing cute baby.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Feel free to post explanations in the comments section. :)

Vegas Hedonism

Seriously. What happens in Vegas STAYS IN VEGAS.

Good: no major diseases were newly acquired. Let's just say I dig Law Fairy's lip gloss, and a BIG shout out to Matt, Bill, Jay, and Allison, my high rollin' partners in crime at Craps Table #3. Our half of the table starring ROCKED THE HOUSE. Who says you can't win at Vegas?!

Brighter Days

It is officially shorts and skirts weather here in Chicago. Today was the "coldest" day of the week so far at a pathetic "high" of 72 degrees. C'mon, Mother Nature! Is that all you got?!

As I trudge to Bar Review daily (the courses, not the locales for gatherings of imbibing law students) and do homework after homework after homework, I find my fingers distractingly typing many er...distracting things into that there "Internet."

This weekend, for example, we are off to sunny (or, more accurately, sweltering) Las Vegas for a little bachelorette's party weekend. My fingers have busily been planning away our hedonism -- or at least as planning away as you can be for hedonism. You heard me. Vegas hedonism. That's all you're gonna hear, too, because, as we all know, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

New York also distracts as I freak out about finding an apartment like a kid who forgot his last six doses of Ritalin. I have Plans, oh yes, I do have Plans, but will they yield results? Time will only tell.

And finally my most exciting distraction of late -- my bar trip appears to be just around the corner. And this time (unlike past wishy washy planning), FOR REAL around the corner. Like shit or get off the pot-style. After I nixed last spring break's plans in favor of Puerto Rico with the gals, my heart was set on finally heading to Berlin, Italy, and possibly Greece for a month. This is still a possibility, but recently...dawning on the horizon of the Serengeti is a new possibility to replace or augment my current unplanned-plans. Two week overland safari in southern Africa?? This is just in its fetal stage, so it may not pan out, but recently I've been pricing things, and it doesn't look as prohibitively and dauntingly costly as I'd expected. So...maybe two weeks in Africa and two weeks in Italy? Who knows! In case you can't tell, these are the days to which I reference in the title of this post: carefree post-Bar days whose most complicated decisions involve, oh, wondering which fabulous exotic country to tour next.

Ah...soon, this day will come!

Whatever happened to...

Rockapella (of Carmen Sandiego fame)?

OH HELL YEAH

Theme of 3L year: C is for cookie...it gets me a degree!

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth. You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around. You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Thanks, crayon17!

Angelina Gives Birth

We can all rest easy now because Angelina Jolie has, as requested, reproduced.


Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, huh? Leaps and bounds better than Apple if you ask me.

Dylan McKay is BACK

OMG, you'd best believe it! Dylan McKay is starring BACK.

In its bid to change its fortunes after going from #1 with a bullet to the dregs of ratings hell, NBC has a new show called Windfall slated to debut June 8. It follows lottery winners and their woe-is-me woes that they encounter upon hitting it big. Let's be honest: lottery winners NEVER look this good or are this young. Whatever! What it's about isn't really relevant, though, because the title of this post says it all: Dylan McKay is BACK. I guess we all know what I'll be doing Graduation Eve.

For Future Reference...

To the cabbies,

Honking your horn when you see me walking along the street is actually going to make me LESS likely to hire you. Do you not think that I would be well aware if and when I might want to take a cab? Also, why is it that, whenever I DO need you, you are nowhere to be seen???

To Westlaw,

Thanks for the iPod. An unforeseen positive externality? Completely deterring solicitors on the street from approaching me about sponsoring the next Democratic candidate for second treasurer of the county or preventing Big Business from endangering the habitat of the purple winged wombat.

I'm seriously officially DONE.

Holy exams period, Batman!

I am officially done with law school. I turned in my last exam with fifty seconds to spare yesterday afternoon. Then I was actually responsible enough to sit through four hours of BarBri, stay awake, and take exhaustive and comprehensive notes. THEN I was actually irresponsible enough to go out to drink lots of champagne and have Korean BBQ.

No more school? Possibly...EVER??? It's SO weird.

WTF

The Plum: $1.31 for two packs of otherwise-25-cents-per-pack-in-a-normal-store gum.

Let's Hope My Issue-Spotting Is More Accurate Than This

Have you ever had one of those song lyrics moments when a freaking nuclear explosion goes off and you go "HOLY CRAP, I was SO WRONG all these years!!!"...?? I just had one of those.

Exhibit A:
Sade's "Smooth Operator" chorus
Real Lyrics:
Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male.
Across the north and south, to Key Largo, love for sale.

My apparently totally starred-up lyrics:
Coast to coast, down east to Chicago, Western Maine
Across the north and south to Key Largo, insert-something-unintelligible-that-I-thought-was-French-here.

Yeah. Wow. Talk about totally wrong ALL THESE YEARS. At least I was a geographically precocious youngster.

And, yes, I will be picking up an exam in 7.5 short hours. My last (law school) exam EVER. Let's hope I operate that baby a little more smoothly than the travesty that was Sade's lyrics up until a short ten minutes ago. Oh, that was just too easy... *ducks*

Whatever happened to...

Haley Joel Osment?

Exam in T-minus 13 hours.

And I have done maybe four reading assignments all quarter and have just arrived back from San Francisco one hour ago.

In one word?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

ARRRRRRRRGH!!!!

This is the story of my starring FUTILE quest to get a pedicure at 8:30AM, in time to catch my flight this afternoon. Notice the time stamp on my previous post. Now look at the time stamp on this post. I AM A DEDICATED PEDICURIST! I have just returned from trying to hunt down a pedicure for the past HOUR. First Metromix did me wrong and erroneously reported the opening time of a spa nearby. I arrived there (henceforth called Spa 1) at approximately 8:40...only to find that it would not open until 9. I looked across the way and saw another nail salon (Spa 2)...which doesn't open until 10. I then walked down two blocks to another pair of salons...only to find that one (Spa 3) would not open until 10 and another (Spa 4) was open but, according to the valet outside, did not offer nail services until 10:30. I then went for breakfast, which, by the way, took FOREVER to arrive. How hard is a bowl of oatmeal?? Anyway, at 9, I returned to Spa 1, only to find that they were booked up for pedicures. One of the appointments had not yet arrived, and, since they obviously didn't want to lose a "bird in hand," they gave me a runaround answer on how I should leave my phone number and they would call in ten/fifteen minutes. I do not have all day, people! I left at approximately 9:10 to see if another place nearby (Spa 5) was (1) open yet and (2) available for pedicures. Spa 5, alas, did not offer pedicure. Spa 5 sent me to Spa 6, which...would not open until 10AM. I then proceeded back to Spa 4 (thinking the valet may have offered misinformation), and they were open for pedicures...but there were no openings. Who gets pedicure appointments at 9AM?! ANYWAY, I walked by Spa 1 again to see that the appointment HAD indeed arrived. From there, on my way back home, I saw another salon (Spa 7), which...was not open and did not even have business hours in the window. I continued home to pass by another salon (Spa 8), which...would not open until 12 NOON. People! Laziness! Anyway, almost home now, I stopped by my last hope (Spa 9)...which, according to the woman who answered the phone, would not open unti 11 and even then it was all booked up. So, frustrated and defeated in my efforts, I continued on my way home, completely unpedicured an hour after my search had begun.

People people people...THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN IN NYC!!!

Just One More for X-Men 3!

I know I'm getting a little YouTube happy, but just one more to say that I cannot WAIT for X-Men 3 to come out. May 26, people! Let's make it happen!

And, Marvel, I guess I kinda sorta forgive you -- temporarily -- for not having Gambit in the movie even though he is the hottest of them all. You heard me. HOTTT.



And, no, despite the Oscar, Halle Berry can't act herself out of a paper bag.

Dance Skillz

In honor of (soon-to-occur) graduation, a series of celebratory dances. Minute 3:27 is for you, Bean!

Warning: Sound-check!

Thanks, Yelpers!

Like a Virgin?

Help a virgin get laid?

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this concept. Click the link to help this 25-year-old virgin dude who made a bet to get 5 million hits in a month for his close friend to sleep with him. Don't click the link if you don't want to help him out. Really, though, is 25 all that "old?"

List of Shit I Hate To Do

...that I eagerly anticipate not doing in NYC!

1. Laundry!!!
2. Dishes. Helloooo, take out!
3. Pay exorbitant amounts for parking.
4. Relatedly, pay stupid ass parking tickets!
5. Pay $50 for a pedicure.
6. Wonder if a bookstore/bar/spa/yellow-flowered-purple-people-eater is open at 2AM.

Guess Who's DONE?

(With papers, anyway...)

In the conclusion of my seemingly neverending quest to fight the paper deadline, I have turned in my papers early. Yes, early. I just don't know what has gotten into me!

And, no, Tom Cruise's alien mothership did not replace my brain with a diligent law student's.

Whatever happened to...

predictability? The milkman, the paper boy, and evening TV?

Baby, don't you wanna...write those papers...

All signs of the apocalypse come in threes. Now that Britney Spears is pregnant again and Mike Tyson wants to join a boy band, "what's the third?" you ask. As many of you know, I have 55 total pages to turn in by Monday, May 15. The sign of the apocalypse is that I may actually turn them all in BEFORE the fifteenth! *gasp* *faint* *sneeze!*

The update: two twenties, done and DONE. Now working on the fifteen. Ah...life...it's in the details...

OMG WTF, Part Two

Headline: Mike Tyson Wants To Join Westlife

This is wrong on so many levels. How does Mike Tyson know about Westlife of all groups?! I guess he did more in prison than just "work out." (Sorry sorry! I know that was wrong on so many levels, too, but I just couldn't resist!)

OMG WTF

Headline: Bush Backs Brother Jeb for White House

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

After 3 Years...This Is What I Have To Show For It?

Setting: After my class on corporate crime, my fellow 3Ls and I are talking about the class and the discussion on lie detector tests. Not verbatim, but as close as I can remember.

Fellow 3L: Hey, that was a great comment you made about lie detector tests' being inaccurate and inadmissible.
odderie: Oh really? Thanks!
Fellow 3L: Yeah, it was really good. Did you take Evidence with Stone?
odderie: Yeah...
Fellow 3L: Oh, so you remembered--
odderie: ...but I didn't get it from there. I totally got that from Law & Order.

Not Another One

Britney's pregnant. Again.

Isn't her uterus still tired from the last one?

Double shit!

Just went to our mandatory loan "exit interview."

Nothing like seeing $100,000+ in loans next to your name to make you wake up and smell the billables.

Shit!

i just broke my left shift key! That suuuucks!! help me, obi-Wan kenobi!

Edit: YAY! It's working now! I broke one of the little spring thingees underneath, though, so now it's kinda limp and deflated.............

Whatever happened to...

making friendship bracelets?

School Daze

Last night was the Law School Prom, unofficially referred to by all of us as Enchantment Under the Sea. And, yes, I did say "prom." It was a lot of fun to see everyone all dolled up in their goin' a meetin' clothes (and then some!). Ladies were gorgeous, gents were handsome, the hair was voluminous, and everyone looked magnificently different from the sweats-and-t-shirt days at the law school. The DJ was wholly craptacular (he actually admitted not to having ANY music within the past five years), and he was just playing stuff that was way too cool for us. Dude, we all don't dance to underground hip hop -- put on some Beyonce! The light-up dance floor, however, WAS pretty badass awesome when he played "Billie Jean" by *ahem* somebody's brilliant request. :) The food was pretty bad. The chicken was bland despite its deceptively creamy-looking sauce. Oh well. That being said, the company was what made the night special. Our post-prom trip to 24 hour Korean BBQ made it deeeeeeelicious.


On my way to school today to work on those infamous papers, I passed by a fabulous kite-flying gathering. It just made me happy and reminded me that spring is here and summer is around the corner.

Finally, once I got here, I saw that it was Alumni reunion weekend. The lounge was all decked out, and lo and behold, there was food galore. Check out the fancy shmancy chrome-plastic-silverware with which they provide our illustrious alums. Can we say "Donate to our school?"

Let's Talk About Sex, Bay-Bee

So apparently I missed a wild episode of actual, honest-to-God duck sex in the fountain last week.

On an unrelated note, we went to watch Oprah today. It was a pretty heavy topic: prostitution. She had a couple of prostitutes talk a bit, but it was mainly a show filled with video segments. It really made me wonder about the Oprah cult. She really ain't all that, you know. Her insights aren't really insights. "You need to know better to do better." WTF does that mean?! "It's good that you stopped using drugs." DUH. She filmed maybe a total of fifty sentences over the course of today's show. Oprah is a billionaire for that?!

Considering my obsession with ice cream...

I thought this quiz would be apropos. Oddly enough, I'm not even a fan of chocolate ice cream.

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Thanks, Bird!

We are not a public library!

Why is there some chick studying for AP European History in the Green Lounge?

Whatever happened to...

Danny Wood?

Knitta, PLEEEEEASE

Awesome knit graffiti. You gotta see it to believe it.

Thanks, Yelpers!

WTF, Dude

To the dude who's smoking right outside the lounge with his foot propping the door open,

NOT COOL, DUDE. Do you know how disgusting it is to think that your smoke-expelling lungs are producing enough tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide to fill the ENTIRE lounge with your stench?

YOU SUCK.

Wet & Wild

Went up to Wisconsin with some friends for an overnighter. I had a relaxing time, and I'm hoping it broke my streak of crappy luck lately. We played some Cranium, ate lots of good bad food (taste: good, health: bad), and had to cope with rain towards the end of the day and the drive back. Cheese curds were, surprisingly, a hit. Not being much of a cheese fan, I didn't expect to like them, but man was I wrong. SO. GOOD.

We did a little hiking/walking-through-the-woods this morning, so I leave you with this picture. Notice the sign in the background. We are such rebels.

Rant: Barnes & Noble Can Kiss My Noble Ass

Barnes & Noble,

I hate you so much right now. I called to see if you had a book. You didn't. I special ordered it. That was two weeks ago. When I ordered it, they said "oh, it should be here in a few days." I went back five days later. Then eight days later. NADA. You SUCK. I was having a shitty day today. I decided I would check if it was there on my way back from school. I unfortunately had to double park (saw the yellow paint, DIDN'T see the fire hydrant). I ran in and asked the person at the customer service desk. She was a bitch, looked at me with a sour face, and told me she was helping someone else. You left me standing there. I went to the cashier to ask him if the book had arrived. He started looking it up, then had to go ring someone up. You got another woman to help me. She looked it up. MIRACLE OF MIRACLES, IT HAD ARRIVED. THAT DAY. How incompetent ARE you people?? Then I had to wait long minutes for you to retrieve the book. Those extra three minutes LITERALLY cost me $100. Because when I came out, THERE WAS A FUCKING TICKET ON MY WINDSHIELD. TIME STAMPED TO THREE MINUTES AGO. BARNES & NOBLE, I HATE YOU.

And that is why I will always shop at Borders, now and forevermore.

Fuck off,
odderie

Unparalleled Paranoia

Today I spent a solid twenty minutes looking for my keys. Over here, over there, everywhere. Since I have a studio, there really aren't too many places to look. Where did I find them? In the lock. SCARY. I felt alternately relieved and scared shitless.

Here's a thought, though...why are things always in the last place you expected them to be? Is it just sheer ridiculousness? Or is it because that's the last place you looked? Let's all hear it: Hrmmmmm...

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

20 PAGES, BIATCH!

*does the cabbage patch*

Holy semantics, Batman!

Robin: "Ghoti" is "fish?"

Batman: See here. English phonetics. GH becomes F, as in "tough" or "laugh." O becomes I as in "women." TI becomes SH as in "ration" or the word "nation."

Robin: Holy semantics, Batman. You never cease to amaze me!

Batman: No time for compliments, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!

And why the exclamation?
I have three weeks to finish my three papers. I have 18 craptacular pages out of 20 for the first, 0 out of 15 for another, and 0 out of 20 for the third. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Edit: Oh, what the hell, here's another one:

Dick: Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject.

Bruce: Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society.

Whatever happened to...

Popples?
I had a Prize Popple back in the day.