Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Brighter Days

It is officially shorts and skirts weather here in Chicago. Today was the "coldest" day of the week so far at a pathetic "high" of 72 degrees. C'mon, Mother Nature! Is that all you got?!

As I trudge to Bar Review daily (the courses, not the locales for gatherings of imbibing law students) and do homework after homework after homework, I find my fingers distractingly typing many er...distracting things into that there "Internet."

This weekend, for example, we are off to sunny (or, more accurately, sweltering) Las Vegas for a little bachelorette's party weekend. My fingers have busily been planning away our hedonism -- or at least as planning away as you can be for hedonism. You heard me. Vegas hedonism. That's all you're gonna hear, too, because, as we all know, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

New York also distracts as I freak out about finding an apartment like a kid who forgot his last six doses of Ritalin. I have Plans, oh yes, I do have Plans, but will they yield results? Time will only tell.

And finally my most exciting distraction of late -- my bar trip appears to be just around the corner. And this time (unlike past wishy washy planning), FOR REAL around the corner. Like shit or get off the pot-style. After I nixed last spring break's plans in favor of Puerto Rico with the gals, my heart was set on finally heading to Berlin, Italy, and possibly Greece for a month. This is still a possibility, but recently...dawning on the horizon of the Serengeti is a new possibility to replace or augment my current unplanned-plans. Two week overland safari in southern Africa?? This is just in its fetal stage, so it may not pan out, but recently I've been pricing things, and it doesn't look as prohibitively and dauntingly costly as I'd expected. So...maybe two weeks in Africa and two weeks in Italy? Who knows! In case you can't tell, these are the days to which I reference in the title of this post: carefree post-Bar days whose most complicated decisions involve, oh, wondering which fabulous exotic country to tour next.

Ah...soon, this day will come!

Sunday, May 28, 2006


Theme of 3L year: C is for gets me a degree!

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.

You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.

You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking

How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

Angelina Gives Birth

We can all rest easy now because Angelina Jolie has, as requested, reproduced.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, huh? Leaps and bounds better than Apple if you ask me.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Dylan McKay is BACK

OMG, you'd best believe it! Dylan McKay is starring BACK.

In its bid to change its fortunes after going from #1 with a bullet to the dregs of ratings hell, NBC has a new show called Windfall slated to debut June 8. It follows lottery winners and their woe-is-me woes that they encounter upon hitting it big. Let's be honest: lottery winners NEVER look this good or are this young. Whatever! What it's about isn't really relevant, though, because the title of this post says it all: Dylan McKay is BACK. I guess we all know what I'll be doing Graduation Eve.

For Future Reference...

To the cabbies,

Honking your horn when you see me walking along the street is actually going to make me LESS likely to hire you. Do you not think that I would be well aware if and when I might want to take a cab? Also, why is it that, whenever I DO need you, you are nowhere to be seen???

To Westlaw,

Thanks for the iPod. An unforeseen positive externality? Completely deterring solicitors on the street from approaching me about sponsoring the next Democratic candidate for second treasurer of the county or preventing Big Business from endangering the habitat of the purple winged wombat.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I'm seriously officially DONE.

Holy exams period, Batman!

I am officially done with law school. I turned in my last exam with fifty seconds to spare yesterday afternoon. Then I was actually responsible enough to sit through four hours of BarBri, stay awake, and take exhaustive and comprehensive notes. THEN I was actually irresponsible enough to go out to drink lots of champagne and have Korean BBQ.

No more school? Possibly...EVER??? It's SO weird.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


The Plum: $1.31 for two packs of otherwise-25-cents-per-pack-in-a-normal-store gum.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Let's Hope My Issue-Spotting Is More Accurate Than This

Have you ever had one of those song lyrics moments when a freaking nuclear explosion goes off and you go "HOLY CRAP, I was SO WRONG all these years!!!"...?? I just had one of those.

Exhibit A:
Sade's "Smooth Operator" chorus
Real Lyrics:
Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male.
Across the north and south, to Key Largo, love for sale.

My apparently totally starred-up lyrics:
Coast to coast, down east to Chicago, Western Maine
Across the north and south to Key Largo, insert-something-unintelligible-that-I-thought-was-French-here.

Yeah. Wow. Talk about totally wrong ALL THESE YEARS. At least I was a geographically precocious youngster.

And, yes, I will be picking up an exam in 7.5 short hours. My last (law school) exam EVER. Let's hope I operate that baby a little more smoothly than the travesty that was Sade's lyrics up until a short ten minutes ago. Oh, that was just too easy... *ducks*

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Exam in T-minus 13 hours.

And I have done maybe four reading assignments all quarter and have just arrived back from San Francisco one hour ago.

In one word?


Thursday, May 18, 2006


This is the story of my starring FUTILE quest to get a pedicure at 8:30AM, in time to catch my flight this afternoon. Notice the time stamp on my previous post. Now look at the time stamp on this post. I AM A DEDICATED PEDICURIST! I have just returned from trying to hunt down a pedicure for the past HOUR. First Metromix did me wrong and erroneously reported the opening time of a spa nearby. I arrived there (henceforth called Spa 1) at approximately 8:40...only to find that it would not open until 9. I looked across the way and saw another nail salon (Spa 2)...which doesn't open until 10. I then walked down two blocks to another pair of salons...only to find that one (Spa 3) would not open until 10 and another (Spa 4) was open but, according to the valet outside, did not offer nail services until 10:30. I then went for breakfast, which, by the way, took FOREVER to arrive. How hard is a bowl of oatmeal?? Anyway, at 9, I returned to Spa 1, only to find that they were booked up for pedicures. One of the appointments had not yet arrived, and, since they obviously didn't want to lose a "bird in hand," they gave me a runaround answer on how I should leave my phone number and they would call in ten/fifteen minutes. I do not have all day, people! I left at approximately 9:10 to see if another place nearby (Spa 5) was (1) open yet and (2) available for pedicures. Spa 5, alas, did not offer pedicure. Spa 5 sent me to Spa 6, which...would not open until 10AM. I then proceeded back to Spa 4 (thinking the valet may have offered misinformation), and they were open for pedicures...but there were no openings. Who gets pedicure appointments at 9AM?! ANYWAY, I walked by Spa 1 again to see that the appointment HAD indeed arrived. From there, on my way back home, I saw another salon (Spa 7), which...was not open and did not even have business hours in the window. I continued home to pass by another salon (Spa 8), which...would not open until 12 NOON. People! Laziness! Anyway, almost home now, I stopped by my last hope (Spa 9)...which, according to the woman who answered the phone, would not open unti 11 and even then it was all booked up. So, frustrated and defeated in my efforts, I continued on my way home, completely unpedicured an hour after my search had begun.

People people people...THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN IN NYC!!!

Just One More for X-Men 3!

I know I'm getting a little YouTube happy, but just one more to say that I cannot WAIT for X-Men 3 to come out. May 26, people! Let's make it happen!

And, Marvel, I guess I kinda sorta forgive you -- temporarily -- for not having Gambit in the movie even though he is the hottest of them all. You heard me. HOTTT.

And, no, despite the Oscar, Halle Berry can't act herself out of a paper bag.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Dance Skillz

In honor of (soon-to-occur) graduation, a series of celebratory dances. Minute 3:27 is for you, Bean!

Warning: Sound-check!

Thanks, Yelpers!

Like a Virgin?

Help a virgin get laid?

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this concept. Click the link to help this 25-year-old virgin dude who made a bet to get 5 million hits in a month for his close friend to sleep with him. Don't click the link if you don't want to help him out. Really, though, is 25 all that "old?"

Monday, May 15, 2006

List of Shit I Hate To Do

...that I eagerly anticipate not doing in NYC!

1. Laundry!!!
2. Dishes. Helloooo, take out!
3. Pay exorbitant amounts for parking.
4. Relatedly, pay stupid ass parking tickets!
5. Pay $50 for a pedicure.
6. Wonder if a bookstore/bar/spa/yellow-flowered-purple-people-eater is open at 2AM.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Guess Who's DONE?

(With papers, anyway...)

In the conclusion of my seemingly neverending quest to fight the paper deadline, I have turned in my papers early. Yes, early. I just don't know what has gotten into me!

And, no, Tom Cruise's alien mothership did not replace my brain with a diligent law student's.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Friday, May 12, 2006

Baby, don't you wanna...write those papers...

All signs of the apocalypse come in threes. Now that Britney Spears is pregnant again and Mike Tyson wants to join a boy band, "what's the third?" you ask. As many of you know, I have 55 total pages to turn in by Monday, May 15. The sign of the apocalypse is that I may actually turn them all in BEFORE the fifteenth! *gasp* *faint* *sneeze!*

The update: two twenties, done and DONE. Now working on the fifteen.'s in the details...

OMG WTF, Part Two

Headline: Mike Tyson Wants To Join Westlife

This is wrong on so many levels. How does Mike Tyson know about Westlife of all groups?! I guess he did more in prison than just "work out." (Sorry sorry! I know that was wrong on so many levels, too, but I just couldn't resist!)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


Headline: Bush Backs Brother Jeb for White House

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

After 3 Years...This Is What I Have To Show For It?

Setting: After my class on corporate crime, my fellow 3Ls and I are talking about the class and the discussion on lie detector tests. Not verbatim, but as close as I can remember.

Fellow 3L: Hey, that was a great comment you made about lie detector tests' being inaccurate and inadmissible.
odderie: Oh really? Thanks!
Fellow 3L: Yeah, it was really good. Did you take Evidence with Stone?
odderie: Yeah...
Fellow 3L: Oh, so you remembered--
odderie: ...but I didn't get it from there. I totally got that from Law & Order.

Not Another One

Britney's pregnant. Again.

Isn't her uterus still tired from the last one?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Double shit!

Just went to our mandatory loan "exit interview."

Nothing like seeing $100,000+ in loans next to your name to make you wake up and smell the billables.

Monday, May 08, 2006


i just broke my left shift key! That suuuucks!! help me, obi-Wan kenobi!

Edit: YAY! It's working now! I broke one of the little spring thingees underneath, though, so now it's kinda limp and deflated.............

Saturday, May 06, 2006

School Daze

Last night was the Law School Prom, unofficially referred to by all of us as Enchantment Under the Sea. And, yes, I did say "prom." It was a lot of fun to see everyone all dolled up in their goin' a meetin' clothes (and then some!). Ladies were gorgeous, gents were handsome, the hair was voluminous, and everyone looked magnificently different from the sweats-and-t-shirt days at the law school. The DJ was wholly craptacular (he actually admitted not to having ANY music within the past five years), and he was just playing stuff that was way too cool for us. Dude, we all don't dance to underground hip hop -- put on some Beyonce! The light-up dance floor, however, WAS pretty badass awesome when he played "Billie Jean" by *ahem* somebody's brilliant request. :) The food was pretty bad. The chicken was bland despite its deceptively creamy-looking sauce. Oh well. That being said, the company was what made the night special. Our post-prom trip to 24 hour Korean BBQ made it deeeeeeelicious.

On my way to school today to work on those infamous papers, I passed by a fabulous kite-flying gathering. It just made me happy and reminded me that spring is here and summer is around the corner.

Finally, once I got here, I saw that it was Alumni reunion weekend. The lounge was all decked out, and lo and behold, there was food galore. Check out the fancy shmancy chrome-plastic-silverware with which they provide our illustrious alums. Can we say "Donate to our school?"

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Let's Talk About Sex, Bay-Bee

So apparently I missed a wild episode of actual, honest-to-God duck sex in the fountain last week.

On an unrelated note, we went to watch Oprah today. It was a pretty heavy topic: prostitution. She had a couple of prostitutes talk a bit, but it was mainly a show filled with video segments. It really made me wonder about the Oprah cult. She really ain't all that, you know. Her insights aren't really insights. "You need to know better to do better." WTF does that mean?! "It's good that you stopped using drugs." DUH. She filmed maybe a total of fifty sentences over the course of today's show. Oprah is a billionaire for that?!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Considering my obsession with ice cream...

I thought this quiz would be apropos. Oddly enough, I'm not even a fan of chocolate ice cream.

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

Monday, May 01, 2006


Awesome knit graffiti. You gotta see it to believe it.

Thanks, Yelpers!

WTF, Dude

To the dude who's smoking right outside the lounge with his foot propping the door open,

NOT COOL, DUDE. Do you know how disgusting it is to think that your smoke-expelling lungs are producing enough tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide to fill the ENTIRE lounge with your stench?