The fruits of my disgruntled state have paid off. Last night I was on a roll and wrote an angry letter to Bulgari (and, considering how salty I was what with my not lotterying into anything, the letter was pretty long and extensive -- I used the phrase "market mediocrity" when comparing their policy to the policies of Tiffany and Coach). In response to my angry letter (which I dropped off this morning), the manager of the store called me about 30 minutes later and left a deeply apologetic voicemail that said "Of course, we will replace the item. They should have offered to from the start." etc etc. She said she was sorry that I had to write the letter in the first place, and she understands why I am so dissatisfied with the experience. Also, apparently the guy with whom I spoke wasn't even a sales representative and shouldn't have been on the sales floor in the first place.
It's a little comforting to know that letter-writing has not gone out of style/lost its efficacy, and it feels good that they responded so promptly once I made my dissatisfaction known.