Monday, November 21, 2005

Advice Q

A friend has been asking me for advice on his long distance relationship. He wants to break up with his LD girlfriend (of two years), who lives across an ocean. Something to think about: He has tickets to visit her at Christmas already. How best should he do this?

Also, just as a minor rant, I think he is totally off-the-mark when he thinks he can check out other girls/get their numbers, etc. He says that he's "mentally" free now. WTF? I say he can't so much as call this girl (or any other girl, for that matter) before he breaks up with the LD girlfriend. She needs to know. It's only fair to her.

Maybe my mindset against emotional cheating supports the evolutionary psychology theory that men are more upset by sexual infidelity (b/c their interest is in making sure their mates propagate their own genes) while women are more upset by emotional infidelity (b/c their interest lies with keeping their mates around to help raise the offspring)?


The Law Fairy said...

I hate it when people use evolution or "science" or whatever as an excuse for men's chauvinistic need for physical fidelity. Men should be willing to give it just as much as they expect it. The reason men are so upset by physical cheating is because deep down, they still regard women as their property. Objects don't have "real" feelings, so all that matters is the outward expression of ownership. Women regard the men in their lives as real people, so they're bothered by emotional infidelity.

I'm generalizing, of course. There are (theoretically) decent guys out there who are bothered by emotional infidelity as much as girls are, and there are girls who are misguided enough to think that all that matters is physical fidelity.

You're absolutely right in your advice to your friend. And I'm betting he would be pissed if he was still in love with this girl and found out she was giving out her number to random guys (interestingly, part of the possessiveness I've observed in guys means girls can't even go out with their guy friends. Ick. I'm talking myself out of dating so I need to stop this rant :)).

He owes it to her to be honest with her. I think he should tell her now, rather than indulge her in a pretend Christmas. For her to find out later that he was planning to break up with her for weeks or months before he actually did it (and they ALWAYS find out) will upset her a hell of a lot more than having to spend this Christmas alone -- or, better yet, having time to change her plans to be with close friends or family rather than a fake boyfriend.

Sorry. I always have to chime in when I see male/female issues implicated :)

darlyn said...

I agree with B. He needs to tell her, so she can pull that band-aid off quickly and get over him.
If he really wants to tell her in person then he should switch his Christmas ticket for next weekend.
And cheaters suck, all of them. There is NO excuse (other than selfishness).