Uh, yeah...

Just because 6AM seems like a good time to go to bed.

Confession

The Christina Aguilera fansite that I sometimes check has had a placeholder up saying it is "moving to a new server in a few days" for the past month.


Is it pathetic that I am actually aware that it has been longer than just "a few days?"

"No Country for Old Men"

Today I was that asshole whose phone rang in the movie theater. Dammit. Allow me to explain (before you condemn). So I'm going to see a movie because...well...just because, okay? So I decide to see "No Country for Old Men," and, not having read any reviews, let alone read the book, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

And WHEW. That was an excellent movie. Seriously seriously excellent. However...midway through it, my phone rings. WTF?! I thought I turned off the sounds!!! And I did. It turns out that, because my new phone opens two ways (it's a flippy Samsung that opens both lengthwise and widthwise), I needed to mute it in BOTH length and width modes. I didn't know this, and so...in the middle of the show...I hear a familiar ringtone, which sets my heart racing in utter horror and embarrassment. Dammit...I am NEVER THAT ASSHOLE. But...it seems I was tonight... :(

Well now...that's a first.

Now that I broke the barrier (so to speak) with using my kitchen the other week for Thanksgiving, it seems I now "fear no recipe"...! Prior to Thanksgiving, I had used my kitchen maybe once since moving into this apartment in...July. HOWEVER, after Thanksgiving is a whole other story. I baked cookies last night. Cinnamon sugar cookies. Num num. Now the only question is...what's next?

And...

Voila! Not a complete disaster.

So...

I bought a turkey.

Hello.

$150 Worth of Relaxation

Tonight I spent 0.5 hours with Nico playing fetch and watching him hunt down my rubber hair band.

Meh.

Crushes -- good or bad? I have one. It kind of sucks. There's a reason they're called "crushes," I suppose. However...have you an argument for? Surely it exists, my dear JSA-ers and debate club kids out there.

*****

Unrelatedly, I took a meandering walk around the neighborhood tonight. I saw a bunch of stuff PLUS figured out what happens when people think the washing machine/dryer ate one of their socks.
This is a sock. A black sock. Specifically, this is a black sock I saw lying on the ground outside a laundromat. It appears to have fallen off of someone's heap of laundry -- whether clean or not I have no clue. However, it does appear to solve the anthropomorphic issue of a washing machine/dryer eating one's sock.

Also unrelatedly, there is this "Tiles for America" display on a chain link fence at a street corner near my place. I'd only really had a vague glancing look at it in the past, but I finally took some time to read some of the tiles and look at the website. I'm not one for sappy, but I think the overall idea is very powerful. Not only that, but some of the tiles were very moving.

The heart on this tile appears incomplete as it seems to be missing a bottom corner. Something about that speaks to me in that it appears the country is not whole -- although I'm sure such a message was not the original intent.
No words.

Rainy Days and Mondays

WANTED: Cuddlebuddy. Details negotiable. Must not snore.

Now accepting applications.

Whatever happened to...

Nads?

Streetwalkin'

When I go for a walk, sometimes I'll see an empty condom wrapper on the sidewalk, and my fertile imagination will go wild.

Pet Peeve of the Day / H20

When people use water to hose down and clean their sidewalks when a simple broom would suffice.

Coked Up Kitty

No, NOT me. I don't even do caffeine, remember?

But this article makes me wonder...what is this world coming to?!?

Thanks, dlisted.

If a tree falls in the forest...

You know that saying "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Well, more relevant and applicable to my life in the concrete jungle that is NYC, "if an associate is in the office until 5AM and doesn't send out an email, was that associate ever there that late/early?"

Let's just say...work. Has. Sucked. By the end of Tuesday "night," I had billed 42.8 hours.

Belize Break

Hrmmm...I wonder if anyone still checks this. *listens*




*crickets*


I was in Belize this past week. It was incredible. Here's a picture that will hopefully placate the masses. This photo is the mouth to the cave Achtun Tunichil Muknal.

Crazy, Cool, or Cute?

It may just be the fact that it's 3:10AM, but I'm slightly obsessed with this pink dolphin...and, no, that is NOT a euphemism or brand name for anything remotely scandalous.

Old, New, Borrowed, Blue

It's kind of weird to think that, at my age, my parents were married.

On the 6

The train ride back home today was host to a most entertaining conversation. Two guys -- a skinny Asian guy in ripped jeans and a pretty built black guy are sitting across from each other on the train. I picked up this snippet of conversation after overhearing the Asian guy say "I watched my first porno when I turned 18." Then I lost the conversation and somehow I picked it back up at this point:

Asian dude ("A"): Have you ever seen that pig movie? That Disney pig movie?
Black dude ("B"): You mean "Babe," right?
A: Yeah, "Babe." ...I like pigs.
B: Me too, pigs are the shiz.
A: Hell yeah, you know what pigs got? Pigs got BACON. And that shit is delicious.
B: Mmm...you know what's good? Bacon with bleu cheese and some ranch dressing.
A: Ugararrrgh. Bleu cheese tastes like BUTT.
B: ...you know, butt doesn't taste too bad, either.

Assisted Suicide

A couple of weeks ago I watched the documentary "Dying at Grace," which depicted five people at the Salvation Army Toronto Grace Health Centre who were days away from death. A thought-provoking film, my viewing of it coincided oddly enough with some Jack Kevorkian news -- namely that he was released from prison after 8 years.

While watching these men and women speak about death, hope, life, and their accomplishments (and also while being able to perceive their silent regrets), I couldn't help but wonder what I would want in a similar situation. Would I hold on, keep fighting, accept myself as having reached my complete journey? Would I struggle for that last gasp, go peacefully, wonder how I had made it this far? Which then led me to wonder about whether what Jack Kevorkian did was really worthy of such vehement censure.

When we say we have control over our lives, should death be one of them?

N.B.: Please note that this is NOT meant as a personal post, but rather as an abstract and thought-provoking one. I'm curious to know others' views.

A "Seinfeld" Episode: Birdbrained

I don't/didn't watch "Seinfeld," and I personally think it's pretty dumb. However, tonight I had a distinctly "Seinfeld" moment (as confirmed by an avid watcher of "Seinfeld").

As I threw open the living room window, I slid my birdfeeder (which was suctioned to the window's surface) right off the window and watched in horror as the feeder fell to its presumed demise five floors below. I stuck my head out of the window, all the while thinking a-mile-a-minute dire thoughts about liability, how a quarter dropped off the Empire State building can kill someone, etc etc.

I looked down...and breathed a gust of relief that, due to the construction they are currently doing on my roof (which has yielded heavy work boots-stomping on my ceiling at 8am -- a whole OTHER rant I could go into), there was scaffolding below that stopped said birdfeeder one story before hitting street a.k.a. liability level.

As my visitors and I got a laugh out of the Birdfeeder Incident, I can't help but continue to be amused by wondering what the roofing gents will think when they arrive on Monday morning to see a sunflower seeds explosion.

Note to Subway Riders

If you are going to hold the railing above your head, please remember to put on deodorant before boarding.

Thank you.

Gendered Bike-Riding

I don't know how to ride a bike.

Now, growing up in SF, I never thought this was a big deal. There are HILLS there for Pete's sake! It's hard to pedal up HILLS.

Anyway, a friend of mine recently mentioned not knowing how to ride a bike is different if you're a boy (and not a girl) where boys should know how to ride a bike...and girls...don't need to?

I am not sure if I follow this logic.

Truffle Truffle, Buffalo Buffalo

I love truffles, but I hate truffles.

My point? What's up with chocolate truffles' being called "truffles" when the mushroom fungus truffle is called a truffle? And they are...completely different things.

Another example, courtesy of loojie, is the sentence Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Now THAT is loco, no?

P.S.: And, just to clarify, my first "truffles" = the fungus, and my second "truffles" = the chocolate.

Um...I don't understand?

Obviously my high school education was lacking and I seem to have missed this class in between the AP US History and Trig...but...what's the difference between hanging out and being on a date? I just don't get it.

Jigga WHA???

This is the Jerry Maguire kid. Wow.

Thanks, dlisted.

Also true for a "Law Firm Chick?"

Satire, but a bit frightening for the accuracy of the diet-comped dinner dichotomy.

Discuss.

HOW TO: Get a Banker Chick (for the non-banker guy)

Confession

I know all of the lyrics to "Candy." As in the song. The Mandy Moore song.

Wow, I wonder how much viewership I just lost with that one statement.

Whatever happened to...

Tom Green?

44+ Hours Billed Already This Week

2/3 the money for 2/3 the work?

I'd take it in a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry, the Internet is closed."

Three letters: WTF

Hey! You! Lookee here!

Coming home to no snail mail (even junk mail) is somehow inexplicably devastating after a 14+ hour day at work.

Smile!

If I had used a smiley in my first year legal brief, do you think that would have helped the situation? :-)

See, e.g.: Attorney uses smiley emoticon in her Motion for Rule 6(b)(2) Extension to Respond to Bills of Cost.

Thanks, ATL.

Toe Spread

No, I'm not a foot fetishist, but to go off of Darth's comment in the immediately previous post, I have a kinda weird confession:

I actually have toe muscle where I can spread my toes like that at will. Here is photographic EVIDENCE (apologies to everyone who is now unwillingly subjected to my wacky French fry-long toes and week+ old pedi):

Footsies, Second Definition

Have you ever had toe cramps where your toes just spasm and curl into themselves in a non-pleasurable-situation way?

Multimedia Extravaganza!...or "You are gold and sil-vuh-uh-errrrr...."

Wow, I never realized how many "a"s are in the word "extravaganza!" Let's see...one, two, three, four! That's a lot. Annnnnyway, I've made a couple of finds in my copious amounts of free time these past few days. Here they are for your reading pleasure:

Say what you like about Ben Affleck, but you have to admit that this picture with his daughter Violet is almost nauseatingly adorable.

And finally, to supersede Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a Box" music video in my "Top of the Charts" personal video countdown, I have discovered this "video" after watching "Music & Lyrics" this past weekend. Let's just say that Hugh Grant is my hero.

P.S.: And just to express my dorky excitement, I can't wait to go to the Christina Aguilera concert in two weeks! And, yes, that will be me in the Magic Summer Tour concert t-shirt! As Christina would say, I'm doin' it old school. (Hrm...somehow I doubt that was her original meaning, however...)

Truly Outrageous!

No, not Jem...(although Jem and her Holograms were indeed quite outrageous).

I'm actually talking about this article, which reports an Italian teacher who cut off a misbehaving student's TONGUE.

Seriously, where is the outrage?? "Suspension" as her punishment thus far?

What does it say about me that my first instinct was "If this were in the US, she and the school district would be sued for all they're worth"...?

Oscar Aftermath

As an aside, I came home tonight to a hallway that smelled DISTINCTLY like weed, which raised two questions: (1) What the heck kind of jobs do people have where they get high on a Monday night and (2) where do I sign up [for that kind of job, not to get high all the time, I mean!]?

Separately, thoughts on the Oscars:
1) Toss up for best dressed: Cate Blanchett and Helen Mirren. (And it's not just the accents!)

2) Toss up for worst dressed: Kirsten Dunst and Jessica Biel. (WTF is Jessica Biel doing at the Oscars??)

3) What's up with the messy, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-spritzed-my-hair-with-salt-water hair?
4) I LOVED those light/dance shadow interpretation things! Happy Feet made me inexplicably giddy, Snakes on a Plane made me laugh, and The Departed was just SO. COOL.
5) Reese Witherspoon is looking more and more like a valley girl. Is this reverse aging??
6) Is Clint Eastwood really fluent in Italian? If so, that's so hot.
7) Kind of morbid question: How do they decide who's going to be in the "In Memorarium" section where they honor the dead people?
8) Note to self, based on that 10 second clip for "Best Picture" nominees: Watch "The Queen."

Marshall v. Marshall, Part II / T&E Entry, Part II

In the wake of her death, Anna Nicole Smith's will was released to the public. I can't help but feel a little disgusted by the ridiculous media and courtroom circus that swirls around pretty much everything left in her life that can be debated by her lawyer, estranged family, or number of supposed lovers. I hope she's finally at peace.

That being said, it's quite diverting to consider the number of law blogs (or shall we call them blawgs?) that contemplate the contents of her will. Take, for example, these truly excellent posts, complete with extensive analyses. I would not be surprised if, long after memories of TrimSpa and Playboy fade, Vickie Lynn Marshall leaves a lasting legacy for T&E students across the country.

Are you in?

Shutdown Day - March 24, 2007.

Late Late Night Ramblings

Two thoughts on this lovely early morn:

- I am seriously a huge fan of Nicolas Cage action movies. You heard me -- Nicolas Cage action movies. See, e.g., The Rock, Con Air, Face/Off, National Treasure, and, yes, even Gone in Sixty Seconds, which, in case you didn't know, has three Oscar winners in it. Shocking to consider, no?

- From what I can tell, now is about the time when people start sniffing around the infamous "Casual Encounters" section of Craig's List for, how shall I put this?, anonymous nocturnal companions (*coughs* NSA sex partners *coughs*). Now what I'm wondering is...what happens if you show up or, perhaps marginally less embarassing, exchange pictures and you actually know the person? Or, even more mortifying, the person is your boss? Sure, maybe this isn't as much of an issue in a large city of eight million like NYC, but what about in some of the other places in which Craig's List has a listed presence such as, say, the ENTIRE STATE OF WYOMING, population 493,782? I mean, what do you do then? Move? Guess it's a good thing that, if there's anything Craig's List is more famous for than "Casual Encounters," it's "Apartments for Rent."

"We are one step closer to having sexbots."

Direct quote from my friend upon watching this video.



So the $3925 question for those allergy sufferers is...would you rather pay $75 for a Yume-Neko Smile or $4000 for a hypoallergenic "lifestyle" cat?

The $3925 Question
	$75 Kitty Robot
	$4000 Hypoallergenic "Lifestyle" Cat
	$0 Pound Kitty, allergies be damned!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

R.I.P. Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith is dead.

Crazy.

Asteroid!

"[G]round-based lasers might be used to zap debris."

It's really depressing to me to consider that we're not only trashing our planet, but we're also spreading our garbage out into the atmosphere. And, I'll be honest, it's also a little disappointing to realize those movie photos from Armageddon, Red Planet (no, uh...of course I didn't see this movie...), and the like are apparently inaccurate in their portrayals of the vast untouched universe beyond our Mother Earth.

New Yorkers are WEAK!

As Turgid and Trevor so eloquently put it, Chicago's high today was 2 degrees. Yes. Two.

And New Yorkers are saying their faces are freezing off at a relatively balmy 15?

Weeeeeeeak.

Is it really worth it?

Work's been rough, let's just say.

Then again, I got to take this picture today, which just makes my heart melt. Yes, I am definitely a cat lady at this point.

No, really, ONLY in New York

I never thought that my short walk to the subway would be ripe for people watching, but in the span of one block this morning I saw (1) youngster throwing up into a garbage can with hair held back by [presumably] mom, (2) teenagers having a fight in the intersection with girl storming off, guy calling out "so should I go back to school?," and girl screaming out "do whatever the f*** you want!" (ah, young love), and (3) older gent with the worst teeth I have EVER seen outside of Halloween dentures (actually, possibly even worse than some Halloween sets). What a great city. [/sarcasm]

What's up with that?

Why is Holland used interchangeably with the Netherlands in English, but it really isn't the whole of the Netherlands?

Donkey-chain and Grassy-ass

Thanks, Simpson Thacher, for raising my salary, which will hopefully help to pay my loans off that much faster.

-- non-Simpson Thacher attorney

I...don't know what to say.

Recently the below ad showed up in my Gmail ad bar at the top of my mailbox:

NY Asian Plastic Surgery - www.AsianSurgery.com - Preserving Asian Identity Through Cosmetic Surgery. 2 NYC Locations!

Now...riddle me this. What in the WORLD can cosmetic surgery do to preserve my identity? I'm pretty good at spin, and even my twisted mind can't figure out a way to make that an accurate marketing statement.

Selling...babies?

On a recent episode of L&O:SVU, they discussed organ transplants and the sale of body parts. We do only need one kidney, so...should there be a legitimate non-black-colored market for kidneys?

Fat cat

Nico and I went to the vet yesterday, and, among other things, we are putting Nico on Atkins.

Baby, you could be a star!

We're already nine days into the new year, and I have yet to post a new Nico picture. SUCH A TRAVESTY!

So, for your Nico fix, here is some fancy shmancy picturing.

(Thanks, Mikey!)

Christmas...Hanukkah....Kwanzaa...

Okay, so I know I'm a couple weeks behind on this, but it's been marinating in this office for quite some time...and I guess at this point, it's reached some sort of larger-than-life status. So here it is for all of you -- in case you aren't getting enough YouTube from your respective *ahem* holes in the wall.

Mid-day at the grocery store...

Seriously. Why is this not a real song?

Whatever happened to...

My Buddy?


and...his counterpart...Kid Sister?

When did 9pm become early?

As I read this article about how education is connected to longer life and better health, I can't help but think that law school is the exception. Law school, after all, leads to lawyering for many of us. Putting in twelve billables means pretty much sitting on your ass at least twelve hours that day. And, if you're like me, you're sitting down in front of the computer, probably a little slouched over, getting carpal tunnel. You order food on the firm's/client's dime, and you are munching as you're huddled over your work. You are too tired to go to the gym, and, anyway, who wants to go to the gym after midnight? You're likely sleep deprived and have waning relationships with all of the people who mean the most to you because you keep having to "wait another 15 minutes and we'll know" or "finish this up; it needed to be done yesterday." Yeah, I'm a little disgruntled. Could you tell?

Bloods v. Crips, Doncha Know?

Okay, so sadly the movie channels are NOT some gift the Laziness & Boredom Gods chose to bestow upon me.

However, I continue to be amused (and, honestly, really annoyed) by email forwards such as the following gem...because, let's be honest, there is such an alarmingly menacing gang presence out there in Minnesota and Wisconsin.

THIS INFORMATION IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!!!
>
> DON'T FLASH HEADLIGHTS AT CARS WITH LIGHTS NOT ON!!
>
> Police officers working with the DARE program have
> issued this warning: If you are driving after dark
> and see an oncoming car with no headlights on, DO NOT
> FLASH YOUR LIGHTS AT THEM!
> This is a common Bloods member "initiation game" that
> goes like this:
>
> The new gang member under initiation drives along
> withno headlights, and the first car to flash their
> headlights at him is now his "target."
> He is now required to turn around and chase that car,
> then shoot and kill every individual in the vehicle in
> order to complete his initiation requirements. Police
> Depts. across the nation are being warned. Their
> intent is to have all the new bloods nationwide drive
> around on Friday and Saturday nights with their
> headlights off. In order to be accepted into the gang,
> they have to shoot and kill all individuals in the
> first auto that does a courtesy flash to warn them
> that their lights are off. Make sure you share this
> information with all the drivers in your family!
>
> Please forward this message to all your friends and
> family members to inform them about this initiation
> ritual.

Tracy Zabel
Washington County Community Corrections
Probation/Parole Officer
14949 62nd St. N Stillwater, MN 55082
(651) 430-6905 phone
(651) 430-6999 fax

Marion L. Roovers
Neenah Police Dept.
2111 Marathon Ave.
Neenah, WI 54956
(920) 886-6005
e-mail MRoovers@ci.neenah.wi.us

Happy New Year!

Wishing all of you a happy new year, and a wonderful 2007 filled with new friends, new family, new hopes, new challenges, new loves, and new discoveries...like the discovery that I have 150 movie channels, none of which I thought I had and none for which I think I pay.