Wet & Wild

Went up to Wisconsin with some friends for an overnighter. I had a relaxing time, and I'm hoping it broke my streak of crappy luck lately. We played some Cranium, ate lots of good bad food (taste: good, health: bad), and had to cope with rain towards the end of the day and the drive back. Cheese curds were, surprisingly, a hit. Not being much of a cheese fan, I didn't expect to like them, but man was I wrong. SO. GOOD.

We did a little hiking/walking-through-the-woods this morning, so I leave you with this picture. Notice the sign in the background. We are such rebels.

Rant: Barnes & Noble Can Kiss My Noble Ass

Barnes & Noble,

I hate you so much right now. I called to see if you had a book. You didn't. I special ordered it. That was two weeks ago. When I ordered it, they said "oh, it should be here in a few days." I went back five days later. Then eight days later. NADA. You SUCK. I was having a shitty day today. I decided I would check if it was there on my way back from school. I unfortunately had to double park (saw the yellow paint, DIDN'T see the fire hydrant). I ran in and asked the person at the customer service desk. She was a bitch, looked at me with a sour face, and told me she was helping someone else. You left me standing there. I went to the cashier to ask him if the book had arrived. He started looking it up, then had to go ring someone up. You got another woman to help me. She looked it up. MIRACLE OF MIRACLES, IT HAD ARRIVED. THAT DAY. How incompetent ARE you people?? Then I had to wait long minutes for you to retrieve the book. Those extra three minutes LITERALLY cost me $100. Because when I came out, THERE WAS A FUCKING TICKET ON MY WINDSHIELD. TIME STAMPED TO THREE MINUTES AGO. BARNES & NOBLE, I HATE YOU.

And that is why I will always shop at Borders, now and forevermore.

Fuck off,
odderie

Unparalleled Paranoia

Today I spent a solid twenty minutes looking for my keys. Over here, over there, everywhere. Since I have a studio, there really aren't too many places to look. Where did I find them? In the lock. SCARY. I felt alternately relieved and scared shitless.

Here's a thought, though...why are things always in the last place you expected them to be? Is it just sheer ridiculousness? Or is it because that's the last place you looked? Let's all hear it: Hrmmmmm...

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

20 PAGES, BIATCH!

*does the cabbage patch*

Holy semantics, Batman!

Robin: "Ghoti" is "fish?"

Batman: See here. English phonetics. GH becomes F, as in "tough" or "laugh." O becomes I as in "women." TI becomes SH as in "ration" or the word "nation."

Robin: Holy semantics, Batman. You never cease to amaze me!

Batman: No time for compliments, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!

And why the exclamation?
I have three weeks to finish my three papers. I have 18 craptacular pages out of 20 for the first, 0 out of 15 for another, and 0 out of 20 for the third. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Edit: Oh, what the hell, here's another one:

Dick: Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject.

Bruce: Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society.

Whatever happened to...

Popples?
I had a Prize Popple back in the day.

Non-regiftable even?

Did you ever have that friend who is just a bad gift giver? I mean, so bad that you can't even regift the stuff? Sucks.

DAMN is he hot

I remember when I was working at the library, I cataloged this magazine and was thisclose to marking it as "lost" just so I could bring Dayton Schlosser home with me. *le sigh*

U.S. Air Guitar Championships

Who's with me????

Thanks, Yelpers. :)

Show Me The Money

My professor just said that "there are a number of professors here who make one dollar a year. They do it for the love of teaching."

Any guesses????

For Once This School Is Good For SOMETHING

So my parents, brother, and a few miscellaneous relatives are coming into town for graduation. They are rather helpless when it comes to making travel arrangements, so I've been calling around to hotels for pricing and availability information. The title of this post refers to my getting a superb hotel price through the University of Chicago's affiliate special pricing plan. Woohoo for that.

The funniest/most noteworthy part of the general mission, however, leads me to wonder how I could possibly spend a full hour talking to Burt, a reservations agent for the Le Meridien line of hotels. Is my life so pathetic that I now chat up unknown, unseen college freshmen in Tampa, Florida?!

The 9 Year Old Inside Of Me Rejoices

Is this hot or is this hot? Yes, odderie, Hello Kitty is HOTTT.


And, courtesy of apple butter, Blackface Kitty.*

*Apologies to those minorities who are offended by the above remark. If you are not offended, then you are probably not part of the minority group.

Edit: And for those who are interested, I used a delicious recipe for (surprise surprise from the prime rib lover) vegan pancakes. They turned out awesome.

Huh?

Why did the garage valet guy give me his card, saying that he is a photographer and can "bring the studio to me?" Do I really look that vain? Or exhibitionist?

Earliest Bedtime EVER

1. [Untitled]
The bruise on my foot
Hurts like a motherf***er
Sucks to wear flip flops.

2. After many self-diagnoses ranging from ulcer to appendicitis, it took my ultimate diagnosis of stomach flu to make me realize I own nothing that would fall under the recommended category of "bland foods." (And even my usually-iron stomach doesn't like chicken tandoori right now...) *le sigh*

Whatever happened to...

Montell Jordan, he of "This is How We Do It" fame?


(And thus begins a new series, titled "Whatever happened to...")

An Equation In Honor Of April 15

early Saturday morning window washing + always leaving the window shades open to enjoy my view = probable unintentional flashing of window washing guys by my underclothed self

Side note: What is it with my building and early morning (for me, anyway) weekend activities?! (See above link for further evidence.)

One-Two Punch

1) I just made a t-shirt. Yay.
2) I want to be a hotel reviewer, an event planner, and an interior designer.
Today's revelation of my perfect profession: Owner of Boutique Hotel Chain

Warm & Fuzzy

After that last post, I think everyone needs a little warm and fuzzy to wash the bad taste out of our mouths. (Edit: Sorry, pun NOT intended.)

Kristina is a kindergarten teacher from San Francisco who's been shelling out hundreds of dollars every month to buy school supplies for her kids. As a product of the San Francisco public school system, I can well understand the lack of funds teachers have to supplement the meager supplies with which the school district provides them.

A project has come to fruition to provide her (and her fellow teachers) with some wiggle room. Go here and see what it's all about. I just got one myself, and I definitely am feeling the warm and fuzzies. :)To see more of her kindergarten kids' artwork, check out her pictures.

My personal favorite?
"Stories Come Out Of My Book." It's seriously profound.

"Stories Come Out Of My Book"

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Pope-rah comes up with some nasty shiet.

Warning: NOT for the faint of heart...

Done Four

At UCLA freshman orientation, they had a health advisor give us the drinking guideline of "Done Four." Essentially, after four drinks, you're done. This little quiz thingee is great ... if empathy = coconut rum. :)

How to make an odderie

Ingredients: 1 part success 1 part ambition 3 parts empathy

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

And, yes, this is also my fourth post today. Did you really notice that? Stalker.
Thanks, LA!

Un-PC Observation: How do I know the people who created AIM are Asian?

The smileys are all yellow.


Yeah, I went there. It's been a rough day.

Waddle Waddle

There are a boy duck and a girl duck in the pond. I mean fountain.

Maybe they will have duck sex.

I kind of hope that they do.

Yes, I'm a dirty voyeur.

Can you tell that I just really don't want to write my [non-plagiarizing] paper right now?

Proof That There Is A Market For EVERYTHING

I'm listed on BlogShares, which is essentially a stock market for blogs. It's kind of sort of AWESOME to be listed. It sort of feels like a coming out party. "I am officially part of the blog world!"

Thanks, NaughtyVoyeur!

UVA Roundup

I had a blast at UVA, and Daddy Pose and Piper did a great job getting 100 kids down to Charlottesville, five states away, intact and largely unharmed. My arm hurts like a motherf-er still, and my thighs are on fire. It was awesome, though.

Team Awesome got creamed by Georgetown-Blue (a.k.a. the best Georgetown team). We lost 20-something to 1. But we got that one run in the first inning, so we were totally leading for half an inning. LEADING. Woohoo! But then we proceeded to lose. Big time. Ah well. Ultimately, Georgetown Blue ended up the #2 team there (they made it to the finals), so at least we got our ass handed to us by a team that was super good. :)

A break-down of the stuff that happened:
Highlight from the Rutgers game: Bigass Rutgers Guy is at the plate. He takes a huge swing...and misses. His teammate laughs and yells "Hey man, you look like my sister!" Bigass Rutgers Guy yells back "Juan, I knew your sister looked like a man!"
Injuries: My right arm hurts in ways I never knew it could. My ass apparently has muscles I never knew it had. And my mount of Jupiter is bright red and slightly tender.
Team that I will hate until the day I die: Seton Hall.
Fights I wanted to start against Seton Hall: One.
Fights I unfortunately did not start against Seton Hall: One.
Strikeouts: ONE. I STRUCK OUT A GUY. (!!!!)
Number of runs given up: 38? I think?
Runs scored by Team Awesome: 6!
Walks given up: No clue. Waaaay too many.
Beers drunk: Two. (I hate beer, so this is a big deal!)
New drinking games learned and played: Three.
Games involving dice: One.
Games played involving sharing a cup with six guys from Rutgers: One.
Disgusting fast food meals eaten: Three.
Miles driven: ~1620
Students arrested: One.
Students rumored to be expelled (unrelated to UVA, but much talked about there): Two.
Papers needed to be written the morning of my return: One.
Cheers created: Three!
Fun level: AWESOME.

UVA, IVA, We All Scream For UVA!

Sorry for the light posting of late, but I, along with what seems to be half the law school, am in Virginia for the law school invitational softball tournament held at UVA every year. Yes, yes, yours truly has left the battlefield of academia (albeit briefly) in order to take her turn on the battlefield of sweat, guts, glory, and (apparently) flip cup championships(?).

In a turn of events unanticipated by any and all from this side of the East Coast to my-dad-teaching-me-how-to-use-a-glove on the West Coast, I pitched for the first time ever yesterday. And I will be pitching today. As our starting pitcher. As our ONLY pitcher. Yeah. That'll be interesting. Or rather, I should say that'll be AWESOME. Let's just say that I'm thankful our team is the "Beer Level" team.

Anyway, I'm about to head out, but wish us luck and think good thoughts for Team Awesome!!!

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

This evening I was one of the chosen few lucky enough to experience in person one of this century's greatest cultural phenomenons: The Jerry Springer Show.

Some of my friends and I went to a taping of The Jerry Springer Show at the NBC Studios. Because we were audience "VIP"s (thanks to the law school's LSA!), we sat front and center. Yes, front and center, within seeing distance of the guests' acne, in the same row as -- one seat away from -- (Darlyn sat next to him!) STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!, and, yes, smack in the red-hot danger zone for flying elbows and hair pulls.

There was no title to today's show (yet), but if I were to guess, it'd be something like "Surprise! We're Getting Married NOW!" Okay, so that's a craptastic title and the Jerry producers will likely come up with something salaciously spectacular that involves sex or sex changes or both, but I'm bad at that stuff. Let's just say that, in the tradition of our law school, "the title doesn't matter." The important stuff -- i.e. fights, nakedness, hair pulling, Steve, and a whole bunch more messed up stuff -- was all there.

We even got a bonus where they shot a Pay-Per-View segment. That was wild. Flat out nudity and Tony (the audience coach) prompting the guests to swear more.

Are you wondering where they fix a microphone on a naked person? Those guys-in-black-Jerry-Springer-shirts are ingenious -- they hung the microphones off of the women's necklaces. Crazy, huh?

Anyway, it's a little too much to process right now, so here's the rapid-fire roundup:
Naked boobs: Estimated at twelve pairs, give or take a couple.
Bare asses: Six? Maybe?
Penises I averted my eyes from seeing: Two.
Completely nude women: Two.
Fights by completely nude women: Three? Maybe four?
"Reverends": One.
"Marriages" it took for "reverend" to be shirtless: Two.
Laps-around-the-studio-chasing-the-reverend: Three.
Transsexual revelations: One.
Lesbian revelations: One.
Times I chanted (at Tony's prompt) for someone to "Take Off Your Top/Pants/Panties!!!": At least four. Maybe five.
Fights: Lost count.
Fights that almost landed in our laps: Three.
Times the camera was literally in my face: Two.
Pole dances: Two.
Pole dances by audience members: One.

Heard At School

I was going down the stairs behind Baby Posner and Vermeule today (i.e. Beaker and Ralph Wiggum, See Mary Lawpins, 2004). I couldn't tell whom they were talking about, but I definitely heard Posner say "He is such an asshole."

More evidence that I should just move to Italy.

You Belong in Milan

Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life - away from tourists! Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture... with very little hype.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Thanks, crayon17!

Luc Richard Mbah a Moute

First of all, go Bruins!

Second of all, does anybody know anything about Luc Richard Mbah a Moute? His story is seriously straight out of The Air Up There. You know, the Kevin Bacon movie where he goes to Africa to recruit the son of the village chief for his college basketball team. Anyway, the parallels are unreal! Mbah a Moute? Prince of his village (i.e. son of the village chief), who first started playing basketball five years ago (i.e. fresh and untainted talent). Mbah a Moute had a great game yesterday, and since he's a freshman, this is only the beginning!

And finally, is anyone REALLY going to have a chance against a guy whose favorite dishes are viper and boa constrictor???

I know my birthday just passed, but...

If you guys really loved me, you'd send one of these over.